That Ghoul Ava

A man hurts his elbow somehow. It’s giving him a lot of problems, so he makes an appointment with his doctor. The doctor comes into the room, and listens to the man explain the symptoms. But rather than look at the elbow, he asks him to urinate in a cup. The man is a bit puzzled, but does as he’s ask. The doctor puts the urine in a machine, and a few second later, the screen pops up a diagnosis & treatment:

“Tennis Elbow, minor strain. Aspirin for pain. Keep elevated and activity to a minimum for 2 weeks.”

‘Holy shit!!” the mans says “That’s amazing!!”

‘Yes, said the doctor, ‘it’s a new invention I’m working on. Come back and see me for a follow up in 2 weeks. Bring your urine sample in the specimen cup the nurse will provide.’

So 2 weeks go by, and the man is getting ready to return to the doctor, but he’s really curious on how good this machine is, so he decides to play a little joke: He adds his urine, some from his wife, some from his daughter, some from the family dog, a little motor oil from the car, and finally – he jerks off into it.

He hands the sample to the doctor, who places it into the machine,  which goes nuts.

“What’s wrong, doc?” asks the man, trying to stifle a laugh.

“Well..” the doc finally says, ” Your dog has worms, your car needs a new oil filter, your wife is sleeping with the neighbor, your daughter is pregnant, and if you don’t stop jerking off, that elbow is NEVER going to heal.”

It’s no secret I’ve been sick for awhile now. It’s also secret that no one is 100% sure of what’s wrong with me. It started out with general pain in the upper shoulder and back. Eventually it migrated all over, but different areas would hurt at different times. Then the skin started burning. It became intolerable, but I dealt with it…or at least tried to. Anyone who’s had any moderate amount of pain can understand that it’s hard to do much; when the pain never goes away, and sleep is impossible, well….everything, from walking, to getting dressed, to even getting out of bed, is a huge ordeal.

I’m a tough chick – I don’t go running to the doctor for every little thing. Quite honestly, I try not to go at all. But when the pain became so bad that I would vomit and be in tears, I didn’t know what else to do. I had to do something – that couldn’t continue. I was at work the day it became totally intolerable, and how I managed to get to the ER is beyond me – I don’t remember the trip. In hindsight, I should have asked someone to take me, but I really wasn’t thinking straight. Read the rest of this entry »

So I received word today that a “friend” committed suicide. I’m not putting friend in quotes because the meaning lacks sincerity, but simply because I never met this person face to face. I’ve talked literally thousands of people through the various social media networks – some I’ve met, some I haven’t. I’ve talked to many for hours on end via skype or vent. We’ve gone on podcasts, written articles, played games, and conversed aimlessly among twitter and facebook – one might argue that the time spent in ‘virtual’ friendships outweighs what we spend face to face. So that begs the question: is a virtual friend less meaningful than a ‘real’ friend? And if they are less meaningful….why am I so upset? Read the rest of this entry »