How to not be a Twitter Twat

Posted: 22nd June 2010 by That Ghoul Ava in Random Shit

Ahhhhhh Twitter. The social networking site for the ADD generation. All your news, chatting, giveaways…you name it, all summed up in 140 characters or a less. Most of you, like me, probably use it, and use it often. Hell, you probably heard about this post from it. It’s amazing. Unfortunately, with social networking, comes social interaction. I know, I know – interaction with other people is awful, because let’s face it: People can be a bunch of fucking tools. Even people that usually aren’t of the fuckwit variety have the potential to become one the second they are given an anonymous outlet like the internet.

Internet Fuckwad Theory

I like to watch (giggity). I watch people interact on twitter; I see their discussions, their annoyances, and their arguments. You would think that certain things I’m about to point out would be a “DUUUUUUH” kind of thing, but in my old age, I’m finding that less and less can be assumed or implied anymore – explicit direction is required. So here it is: Ava’s Guide on How To Not Be a Twitter Twat.

1) Don’t get pissed when people don’t follow you back. How many times have you seen in your feed “I just unfollowed X amount of people because they don’t follow me back”? Self centered much? There’s a couple of reasons people might not follow you back

  • They aren’t psychic. Sometimes, they aren’t aware you’re following them – they’re not trying to slight you. They have conversations with you, and it doesn’t cross their mind to check. And many people have a large feed – they can’t possibly notice you’re missing among the noise. You want a follow back? ASK!
  • Your feeds might not be their cup of tea. Let’s use me as an example. I am not everyone’s idea of fun (I know, I can’t believe it either). I don’t get mad when people might not want to see my racist jokes, insults and general cussing – I’m not going to get mad, and I’m certainly not going to unfollow THEM if I like what THEY talk about. You follow who you like, let people follow who they like. It’s not a popularity contest, not everyone is going to like who you are. Deal with it.
  • General interests aren’t compatible. If all you talk about is Pokémon cards, don’t get upset when someone who doesn’t give two shits about that doesn’t follow you. Their feed is for THEIR interests, not your ego.

2) Don’t berate people for their beliefs, likes and interests. Twitter is the place where you’re SUPPOSED to be expressing these things. Are you following someone who’s anti gay, anti abortion or a multitude of other things you’re not? Why are you arguing with them? You know what they say about arguing on the internet? It’s like the Special Olympics – even if you win, you’re still retarded. What are you trying to do? Convince them YOU’RE right? Not going to happen. Either learn to deal with it in a civil manner, or click that handy ‘unfollow’ button.

The same goes for games, movies, books, music etc. Discussion is one thing – calling someone a window licking retard in anything but jest because they didn’t like Zombie Mutant Killer Hamsters 4 is another. Opinions are like assholes – everyone’s got one, but it doesn’t mean yours is any prettier than the next guys’.

The only time it’s ok to berate someone for their tastes is if they’re like my friend Matt, who said Sound of Music was better than Star Wars, because that’s so fucking wrong it hurts my head. Or Sarah Palin followers, because they deserve it.

3) Realize that many people aren’t one dimensional. Now there are some people out there that have a few twitter accounts for different aspects of their lives, but most people are just waaaay too fucking lazy for that. Twitter is a place for YOUR interests and thoughts – why are you worried that someone wouldn’t be interested in it? So WHAT?? Don’t you think that the followers that continue to follow you for ALL your interests would make your interactions THAT much more interesting? I’m quite sure many of my followers couldn’t give a rats ass about World of Warcraft, video games, random obnoxiousness, engineering tales AND Horror – but it makes me appreciate the ones that do follow that much more because they listen to all of it. Lots of great people have lots of interests, and they’re not here to be your personal source of amusement. If you generally like what a person talks about, just ignore when they tweet about something you have no interest in.

4) Don’t pretend your shit doesn’t stink. If someone says something you find offensive, off-color, or just plain wrong, don’t put on your Holier Than Thou Hat and admonish the author. Again, people are allowed to say whatever the hell they want in THEIR OWN FEED. If you don’t like it, and you can’t get past it enough to ignore it, find your unfollow button. Nothing pisses me off than people who go up in arms about something they saw on TV, or go nuts over something someone said. If you don’t like it DON’T LISTEN TO IT, DUMBASS. Freedom of Speech isn’t limited to only things YOU agree with.

5) Twitter is not a popularity contest. Your worth is not determined by the number of followers. Someone with 5000 followers is no better than the guy with 100. Trying to get people to randomly follow you without giving two shits about your interests or theirs kinda defeats the whole purpose of twitter. Fill your feeds with what YOU find interesting, Talk to people you find that YOU find interesting, and in the end, it all works itself out.

Well, there is it. Like I said, most of that shit SHOULD be common fucking sense, but I really think the world has lost it’s grasp on that. So do you agree with these points? Did I miss any?

  1. Marianne says:

    Aw, I like following you though. I’ve pretty much given up on contributing (all my twitlist is wow, and I’m not playing…) but it’s still fun to watch.

    - Jov

    • That Ghoul Ava says:

      I miss j00! You dont need to talk about WoW to be on twitter, dear :P

      • Marianne says:

        I know, but when EVERYONE on my twitter list talks about wow pretty much exclusively, it’s like… um… yay. >.>

        But don’t mind me. I’ve been pondering if I should remake or rename my twitter for a while. Still no decisions made.

        I’ll be indecisive tomorrow.

  2. Pike says:

    This needs to be required reading for Twitter 101

  3. Samodean says:

    Well written, surprisingly informative.

    Who are you and what have you done with Ava?

  4. Catalyst says:

    Hey, my posts are always relevant to everyone’s lives, and they’re always funny too. Check out my last tweet:
    “Lol singing cat check it out ” pure gold.

    …kidding, of course.

  5. Alistasi says:

    cheers to that.

  6. Herculano says:

    Twitter is wonderful. Without it, we’d never know crucial things like what people were eating, and when they were out of their homes (much to the appreciation of home invaders everywhere).

  7. Xerxies says:

    What is Twitter?

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