The Dog & Cat Diaries

Posted: 30th September 2010 by That Ghoul Ava in Random Shit

I hate cats.

I hate everything about them. They’re sneaky, creepy, arrogant and just not fun. They just LOOK evil. They’re not like dogs. Dogs love you. REALLY love you. They love walks, they love playing – hell, you can be the biggest asshole in the world, and the dog still loves you. It’s almost like they exist just to please you.

But not cats. Oh no – not cats. Always watching you. Waiting. Look at their eyes. They’re just waiting for you to die, or planning ways to cause enough harm to be able to move in for the kill. Imagine if these pets kept a damn Diary.

DOG DIARY

8:00 am – Oh Boy oh boy oh boy!! Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – Oh Boy oh boy oh boy!! A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – Oh Boy oh boy oh boy!! A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Oh Boy oh boy oh boy!! Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM – Oh Boy oh boy oh boy!! Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM – Oh Boy oh boy oh boy!! Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM – Oh Boy oh boy oh boy!! Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM – Oh Boy oh boy oh boy!! Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM -Oh Boy oh boy oh boy!!  Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM – Oh Boy oh boy oh boy!!  Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM – Oh Boy oh boy oh boy!! Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY

Day 1783 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ’good little hunter’ I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ’allergies.’ I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

  1. Ratfink says:

    Cats Dogs they are all much the same to me at this present time I prefer cats to dogs for they more or less look after themselves and choose who they prefer to be with if a cat finds a better place to hang out at it will be gone bye bye cat sod em.
    A dog takes your time up attention attention bloody attention being a lazy git I have no time for all that now besides dogs stink they fart chew your stuff up belch be sick in the house then eat it all up only to be sick again need walking all the time every time try and shag you when they think your not looking have dog breath malt everywhere.
    What’s my point non really just trying to explain why I prefer cats to dogs at the present time and my reason is I do not have to look after a cat.

    Having owned two dogs in the past overlooking their bad habits they are great fun to have around and it is a lot easier for a bond to develop between the dog and owner somehow you know what the dog is thinking and vice versa plus if you own a real dog you can have toy fights with it apart from being good fun it also trains the dog to attack humans and to learn human weak spots this makes them great battle or guard dogs and very good for your own personal protection.
    Mental bonding with cats is a little harder but can still be done and I suppose it depends on the type of cat I have come across a few obnoxious cats in my time go to stroke them and all they do is frizz up hiss and try and scratch you nothing that a bucket of cold water and a swift kick up the arse wont fix.
    I find the grey stripy cats to be the friendly ones. Grey Stripy just go’s to show how much I know about cats.