I hate cats.
I hate everything about them. They’re sneaky, creepy, arrogant and just not fun. They just LOOK evil. They’re not like dogs. Dogs love you. REALLY love you. They love walks, they love playing – hell, you can be the biggest asshole in the world, and the dog still loves you. It’s almost like they exist just to please you.
But not cats. Oh no – not cats. Always watching you. Waiting. Look at their eyes. They’re just waiting for you to die, or planning ways to cause enough harm to be able to move in for the kill. Imagine if these pets kept a damn Diary.
8:00 am – Oh Boy oh boy oh boy!! Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – Oh Boy oh boy oh boy!! A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – Oh Boy oh boy oh boy!! A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Oh Boy oh boy oh boy!! Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM – Oh Boy oh boy oh boy!! Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM – Oh Boy oh boy oh boy!! Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM – Oh Boy oh boy oh boy!! Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM – Oh Boy oh boy oh boy!! Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM -Oh Boy oh boy oh boy!! Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM – Oh Boy oh boy oh boy!! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM – Oh Boy oh boy oh boy!! Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Day 1783 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ’good little hunter’ I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ’allergies.’ I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.