Dead Snow

Posted: 22nd August 2010 by That Ghoul Ava in Book/Movie Reviews, Horror

There are two words that can instantly grab my attention: Nazis & Zombies. And if you have both of these things in one movie, you have my UNDIVIDED attention.

There’s one thing you need to know before you watch this movie – it doesn’t take itself very seriously. If you’re looking for some underlying theme on the atrocities the Nazi committed or soldier mob mentality, you’re going to have to look for your social commentary elsewhere. The zombies are Nazis for pure entertainment, without having to give a thought to sensitivity or good taste. The director, Tommy Wirkol, seems to walk a tightrope act of camp and horror over a pit of gore. Oh my, the glorious gore…..the influences from 80s splatter horror are not only obvious, they’re embraced and flaunted. And the Evil Dead, Dead Alive, Friday the 13th and other references are icing on the cake. Don’t worry – I won’t ruin the surprises.

The movie influences are anything but subtle


Did I mention camp and gore? Chainsaws? An MG42 on a snow mobile? Outhouse sex? Cliff hanging from intestines? If you’re still not interested, I’m guessing you’re the guy at the party complaining the music is too loud and wants to cuddle after sex. Read the rest of this entry »

The Beer Prayer

Posted: 31st July 2010 by That Ghoul Ava in Drunk rantings

The Beer Prayer

Our Lager
Which art in barrels
Hallowed be thy drink.

Thy Kegdom come,
I fill thee mug
At home, as in the tavern.

Give us this day, our foamy head
And forgive us our spillages
As we forgive those, who spill upon us
And lead us not, into inebreation,
but deliver us from hangovers

Barmen.

The Church Of Bacon

Posted: 26th July 2010 by That Ghoul Ava in Drunk rantings, Offensive shit!, Random Shit

Bacon, oh, bacon! You wonderful thing! You make mankind all rise and sing!

The grease that comes, from your rich loins, are an unequal sum to millions of coins.

Breakfast, lunch, dinner, Teatime, bartime,& late night too! Every meal is a winner & more enjoyable with you!

Wrapped on scallops, or in Korean stew -nothing makes me gallop more than you!

Clogging my arteries and veins with your beautiful juice! You drive me insane – like a bull cut loose!

No matter how filthy you originally are, nor a care for what others think! Bacon is the shining star that kicks the ass of sausage links!!

A common theme in my twitter feed is the awesomeness of bacon. We link pictures of amazing bacon creations, joke about the awesomeness of bacon, and poke fun of our vegetarians friends who don’t know what they’re missing. In short, bacon has provided endless hours of hilarity as well as tasty meals. It hit me one day, in the midst of these bacon tweets, that bacon has almost a cult like status….a GOD like status, if you will. Bacon is an embodiment of Mankind – a harmony of good and evil, a yin & yang existence.

At that point – perhaps because I was feeling a bit silly, or perhaps it was because I was half into a bottle of Gray Goose – it hit me: Bacon needs its own church. A CHURCH OF BACON!!! Read the rest of this entry »

This review was done for the Horror-Extreme site as part of my monthly rent – check the original review on his site out here. I just posted it here again because it makes me look like I actually did something.

I’m not even going to try and bullshit you: I love everything Freddy. EVERYTHING. Perhaps it’s because he encompasses everything I am – evil & sadistic with a dark sense of humor. Or maybe it’s because I like my villains with personality. I also grew up (I use that term loosely) on the Nightmare on Elm Street Series and I hold them close to my heart. So when it was suggested I tackle this movie for one of my first reviews, and for the continuation of Horror- Extreme’s look at the series, I thought there was no way in hell I could give this a fair review.

So I went back and watched it for the umpteenth time, trying to give an unbiased look at it. Really, I did try. And while I did find many things about this movie that I found wrong, shouldn’t have been done, or just plain sucked, I still come away with things I DO like. Keep in mind, however, I’m completely unqualified to be a critic or reviewer of any kind. I have no training what so ever in this field (or writing in general),  & most of the things I enjoy are lumped into the Beavis & Butthead school of thought (Read: I like stuff that doesn’t suck). I don’t try too hard to find underlying meanings or themes, and I enjoy things from the view of Jane Half Wit. Just fucking entertain me, that’s all I ask. Read the rest of this entry »

How to not be a Twitter Twat

Posted: 22nd June 2010 by That Ghoul Ava in Random Shit

Ahhhhhh Twitter. The social networking site for the ADD generation. All your news, chatting, giveaways…you name it, all summed up in 140 characters or a less. Most of you, like me, probably use it, and use it often. Hell, you probably heard about this post from it. It’s amazing. Unfortunately, with social networking, comes social interaction. I know, I know – interaction with other people is awful, because let’s face it: People can be a bunch of fucking tools. Even people that usually aren’t of the fuckwit variety have the potential to become one the second they are given an anonymous outlet like the internet.

Internet Fuckwad Theory

I like to watch (giggity). I watch people interact on twitter; I see their discussions, their annoyances, and their arguments. You would think that certain things I’m about to point out would be a “DUUUUUUH” kind of thing, but in my old age, I’m finding that less and less can be assumed or implied anymore – explicit direction is required. So here it is: Ava’s Guide on How To Not Be a Twitter Twat. Read the rest of this entry »

You’ve Got Dead On You.

Posted: 6th June 2010 by That Ghoul Ava in Horror

You've Got Dead On You

I love my podcasts. I subscribe to more than I usually have time to listen to, but I’m always on the lookout for good ones. Anyone who’s an engineer, designer or spends large amounts of time in front of a PC can appreciate how listening to podcasts can make the day fly by, especially when you’re in that “designing zone” and don’t get up for hours at a time. God, I love being a corporate tool.

So a few weeks ago, I discovered the @DeadonYou guys via twitter. Now it’s no secret that I’m a sucker for anything horror, much less anything zombie related. Wandering over to their blog, I read this:

In a world gone mad, there are two men, nay heroes, who have decided to face the zombie apocalypse with zest, heroism, cowardice and one-liners. Join them as they navigate through a zombie world in, “You’ve Got Dead On You”.

Well, I’m sold.

Read the rest of this entry »

Retro Zombie Tiki Terror in Chicago!

Posted: 31st May 2010 by That Ghoul Ava in Events, Horror

Last night was my first Retro Zombie Tiki Terror, brought to you by the “lovely” Kitty Zombie. I haven’t gotten to many events in the last few years, due to illness and resulting complications. It sucks; I miss so many great events sponsored by the Zombie Army Productions and other great Chicago Horror affiliates because of health issues, it was good to finally get out and partake in some of it.

The event took place at the amazing Tiki Palace of Des Plaines, Ill.  The restaurant brings you the full sights, sounds and tastes of the South Pacific – if the decoration job isn’t enough for you, the Polynesian Island cuisine, Tropical drinks (try the Zombie – holy shit) and floor show should win you over. The island theme was given a Voodoo zombie make over, and most of the patrons showed up in their best zombie apparel. I say ‘most’ because I was one of the few that didn’t. All my latex and gore make up had gone to shit, and Kitty was going to help me out with a makeup job. A unforeseen staff complication left everything behind schedule, so I’ll forgive him – but he owes me another beer now.

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This post sucked, so I made remade it in 3D.

Posted: 23rd May 2010 by That Ghoul Ava in Horror

Actually I have no idea how to make a post in 3D, so if you could do me a favor, & rock back and forth in your chair so the monitor gets closer to your face, that would be swell. Hey, it’s more immersive and has more thought in it than what the movie industry is shoving down your throat lately, right?

Read the rest of this entry »

Now what, Mr. Pope?

Posted: 22nd May 2010 by That Ghoul Ava in Drunk rantings, Offensive shit!

Tell me this isn’t a sign that God is perfectly fine with birth control. Take that, Catholics!

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere’s AVA!

Posted: 22nd May 2010 by That Ghoul Ava in Random Shit

Let me start out by saying I have no idea what I’m doing.  Absolutely none. I am not qualified to be a writer – I’m an engineer, for fucks sake; we shouldn’t be allowed to talk to real people as it is. Usually I keep my rantings & offensive ramblings to twitter, but do you have any idea how hard it is to reach full obnoxious potential and convey thoughts in 140 characters or less? It doesn’t work very well.

So what will I be doing here? I dunno. Most of the shit that comes out of my mouth isn’t fit for that other gaming blog I co write on, so that douche Horror Extreme for the excellent horror site http://horror-extreme.com/ offered to give me my own little corner of the internet in exchange for writing a review here and there – despite me being extremely unqualified. If you’re somewhat familiar with me, you already know how obnoxious, crass, crude, rude, honest and un-politically correct I am. The shit that comes out of my mouth can shock truckers and republicans alike.

Read the rest of this entry »